At 26 years old, my Father was married, had a career, owned a home, and had one son while I was developing my Thor-esque physique inside my Mother. At 26 years old, I currently live in my parents’ home; my “career” is a part-time job with a Video Game entertainment company as well as trying to write, I have absolutely no “prospects” to fall in love with, and I have the body shape of a light bulb. Needless to say, something in my life needs a gigantic change. Before I get into my “campaign” to try and garner votes like I garner calories, I guess I should tell you a little about myself.
For those who are reading my material for the first time or completely forgot who’s article you’re reading since there are no use of caps yet, my name is Ricardo Marquez and I’m currently the humorist for this website. “Well Ricardo, how did you become the humorist for this site?” OH I AM GLAD THAT YOU ASKED! A few years ago, I got into stand-up comedy while trying to get over a break up (WHY DID YOU BREAK MY HEARTTT!!!??!?!). After a few great shows then absolutely terrible gigs, I put it on hold and got into writing while I went to school. While switching from Radiology-to-Business-to-Management- to finally - Creative Writing, I jumped on the Twitter ship and ran a blog called iBlogBetterThanYourMom and put up unfunny rants and horrific observational comedy. Yes, this is where my twitter handle comes from. By some stroke of luck, Editor in Chief and Party Dude Extraordinaire Eric Denton found my tweets about the Angels and offered me an opportunity to write for LA Angels Insider. The rest is history.
Writing for this site is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. Ok, I take that back. I just found out that if you say “Go Bold” at Del Taco then they add fries and sauce to your burrito. So that might be the best thing that has ever happened to me. Well, that time I took a picture with Heidi Klum and Marissa Miller was pretty rad. Scratch that, being on the Price is Right ruled. I even did the robot on stage. Yea, definitely doing the robot was the best. So writing for this site is probably like the 4th best thing that has happened to me. Whether this is the first time you are reading something from me or the 85th time, you all have the opportunity to make the next best thing happen for me.
Thanks to all of you and especially the MLB Judges, I have been chosen in the Top 50 applicants to move on to the next step in the MLB Fan Cave contest. It is absolutely insane to have made it this far. The support everyone has given me is hilarious and I can’t thank you enough for all the retweets and views my audition tape has gotten over on YouTube. On top of that, I even have my Dad excited for me. HE NEVER GETS EXCITED AT WHAT I DO GUYS!!
The MLB Fan Cave needs a dweeb like me. I’m not an actor, I’m not a professional comedian, and I’m definitely not a model. Well, I mean you can put me in like a diabetes ads or some sort of McDonald’s commercial as a background extra eating a Big Mac. Actually, I have a face for radio (THANKS ADAM COROLLA FOR THAT JOKE!). However, I think my personality, comedy, and posi-vibes will turn that Fan Cave into the most entertaining place to be. You’ve seen my ridiculous Faux-Interviews so imagine me asking MLB players those same questions or even addressing the Open Letters I write to them. Plus, wouldn’t you want me to try and bunt a 101 MPH fastball from Justin Verlander while wearing an Aybar jersey? SITUATIONAL COMEDY AT ITS BEST! Or not, I don’t know. I’m not that funny. It seems a little cocky for me to say I’m funny. I’m funnier than Eric Denton so I know that. ZING!
Anyways, so now voting has begun and you hold the power to either send me away and experience quite possibly every baseball fans dream OR the power to have me stay in California and mooch off my parents. No lie, my mom wants me gone. WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE MARKED THE BOX OF LEFTOVERS AS YOUR OWN MOM! SORRY I ATE YOUR CHICKEN PASTA! I ask, beg, and plead to continue supporting my quest to be a part of the MLB Fan Cave this season. What are you waiting for? GO VOTE! VOTE OR DIE! Not die. You won’t die if you don’t vote. That’s pretty harsh. How did P.Diddy even get away with that campaign? Seriously though, from the bottom of my heart thank you so much for all the friendships I’ve made from this site and the opportunities that have come from it. IM ONE STEP CLOSER TO HANGING WITH CHILI DAVIS! OMG!