I write about the Angels because I love baseball.  This much is first and foremost.  The love goes back to the days of Jorge Fabregas and Dave Hollins.  Seeing Gary DiSarcina take ground balls is what made me want to play shortstop.  However, I also write about sports because music was never really my thing.  Between my tone-deaf ears, my ear deafening voice, and my Helen Keller dancing ability, music just is not my calling.  There’s only so many arm flails and knee shakes I can do before the dance floor clears and I’m left yelling “Mike Jones!” all by myself. 

            Throughout my life of stepping on toes and making women on the dance altogether uncomfortable, I did discover a hidden talent.  I could write a not-as-horrible-as-you-would-think parody of any song.  This “talent” reached got to a point that instead of buying my friend’s gifts for their birthdays, I would ask for their favorite song and write a funny, yet absolutely terrible parody of it.  That’s right, ladies.  Not only can I not dance, but I’m cheap also.  I can’t believe I’m still single.  Please leave your phone numbers in the comment section.  No, really, please do.  It gets lonely on the other side of this blog.

            Without further ado, I present to the readers of LAANGELSINSIDER.com (who are probably very uncomfortable by now) an equally awful parody song about the Angels offseason.  Sung to the tune of Queen’s timeless ballad “Bohemian Rhapsody,” I present:

 

“Pujolsian Rhapsody”

 

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

The Angels just signed the

Greatest hitter in history.

Pitch to this guy and you’ll look up to the sky sadly.

I’m just a poor boy, he’s worth two fiiifffty.

Because you throw it home, watch it go, flies so high, he trots home.

Any way the wind blows doesn’t really phase the Machine, the Machine.

 

DiPoto, just killed the West,

Put a gun against it’s head, pulled the trigger now it’s dead.

DiPoto, the season has not begun,

Yet Texas, Oakland, Seattle should throw it all away.

DiPoto, oooh, last season made us cry,

But pitchers and catchers report this time tomorrow

Carry on, carry on because soon so will the batters

 

CJ, has returned home

Sends shivers down my spine, to see @str8edgeracer all the time

Hello Iannetta, Mathis had got to go

Compared to him, you’ll look like Babe Ruth.

Dipoto, ooooh, even our new relievers are fly

Hawkins and Izzy will shut down them all

 

**awesome guitar solo**

 

I see a little silhouette of a man

Morales, Morales will you be able to show

The thunderbolts and lighting that your big bat can bring

Peter Bourjos (Peter Bourjos), Peter Bourjos (Peter Bourjos), Peter Bourjos, you are not slow

Mark Trumbo-o-o-o.  You mash homers everybody loves you

He just mashes baseballs deep into the rock pile

Now, can you be our third baseman please?

Double A, Triple A, will you let Mike Trout go?

Vernon Wells says no!  He will not let you go

(let him go) Vernon says no!  He will not let you go

(let him go) Vernon says no!  He will not let you go

(let me go) Will not let you go

(let me go) Will not let you go

No no no no no no no

Oh Papa Scioscia Papa Scioscia, Papa Scioscia let him go

Jerry DiPoto is a genius and wants more OBP

OBP!

OBPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

 

So you think you can stop us and spit in our eyes?

Steal our catcher, sign Yu Darvish and leave us to die?

No, baby, not this Angels team baby

The Rangers will go down, Rangers will go down this year

 

**really awesome guitar solo**

 

 

We have got good pitchers, anyone can see

We have got good pitchers

We have got good pitchers, like Weave

 

And we have Pujols